The Do-Gooders, Part 3
THE DO-GOODERS: Catch up on Part 1, Part 1.5, and Part 2.
In a reverse Home Alone situation, Roger and Melinda Bunwith have decamped for their Aspen cabin, leaving a note for their children saying, “Needed a break from holiday stress! XO” Luckily, the children have recently befriended a reclusive witch so they’ll have plenty to do while their parents are gone.
Roger and Melinda whiz down the slopes and clink champagne glasses. That evening at the fire pit (which is rectangular, by the way, and made of stone — not a metal bucket like commoners use) they are disturbed by two strangers with black cloaks and haunted eyes who look oddly familiar.
“Roger and Melinda,” they say. “If you continue down this path of greed and selfishness, you will end up as us, your future selves. Wealthy with material riches, but despised by all.”
Present Melinda narrows her eyes. “Really. And how did you arrive here, future selves?”
“Why, in our time machine, of course,” says Future Roger. “It’s right there at the bottom of the ski sl—” He breaks off when Future Melinda kicks him.
Present Melinda and Roger exchange glances. “Your words have made such an impact on me,” says Present Melinda. “Why don’t we have a drink and discuss what terrible people we are and how we should change our ways? Roger will just run out for some extra champagne.”
Future Melinda and Roger agree. Meanwhile, Present Roger finds the time machine and travels forward one week. He has a team of engineers disassemble the time machine, create a blueprint and list of materials, and then reassemble the time machine. But they find the time machine contains certain molecular compounds that have never before been observed. They can duplicate them, but they need to extract them from the time machine, which will cause the time machine to stop working.
An engineer deposits Roger back in the past, then brings the time machine back to the near future to take it apart and extract the key compounds.
Roger walks back into the cabin ten minutes after he originally left. “Silly me, I forgot the champagne,” he says. “But Future Roger and Melinda, you must be tired. Why don’t you take the guest room and return to your lives tomorrow. Don’t worry, we totally buy everything you said about renouncing our riches for the sake of love. Your work here is done.”
Melinda already drugged their drinks, so Future Roger and Melinda sleep soundly. Present Roger and Melinda escape in the night.
A week later, the time machine arrives in their lives… and so do Future Roger and Melinda, who have managed to hitchhike their way from Colorado. This time they don’t try to convince Present Roger and Melinda to be better people. They go straight to the witch’s house, kidnap the children, and hold them for ransom in exchange for the time machine.
But Present Roger and Melinda are pleased to be rid of the children. Future Roger and Melinda feel they’ve gotten a second chance after squandering their children’s childhood the first time around. And Soren the witch is lonely. So Future Roger, Future Melinda, Jonny, Taylor, and Soren all celebrate Christmas in Soren’s small hut where they have no gifts for each other but all they need is the power of love.
The day after Christmas, Present Roger and Melinda blow up in a time machine accident, causing Future Roger and Melinda to blink out of existence. Soren adopts Jonny and Taylor, who both grow up to be prominent Egyptologists with comfortable trust funds.
The end!