On being bad at things, and negotiating in a hostile environment
Dear Newsletter Friends,
Today I had my very first trumpet lesson. I can now play a note! Most of the time.
In my middle age, I have discovered the joys of being bad at things. I have practiced my single trumpet note twenty-three times today. And I’ve been filling up a sketchbook with my decidedly amateur art.
Doodling, painting, and trumpeting are fun. I don’t have a schedule or routine for them. I do them when I feel like it, and how I feel like it, and in the amounts that sound fun to me. I will never make money from doing these things, or teach others how to do them, or probably ever do them with any great level of skill. It’s a relief.
This is a negotiation tip too. You may not negotiate for fun, but you do it to pursue something you care about. So don’t worry about doing it perfectly, or doing it in a particular prescribed way. If you mess up along the way — say something dumb, notice the ketchup stain only after the meeting — it doesn’t matter. The point is to pursue what you care about.
Today is also Trans Day of Visibility, in honor of which I posted a short Twitter thread on my favorite trans authors. (Which made me realize, I don’t want this list to be short. More transgender stories!)
It’s beautiful to be who you are. And also sometimes dangerous.
Which leads me to negotiation tip #2. If you need to advocate for yourself in a hostile situation, look for backup:
(1) Policies, laws, anything incontrovertibly written down.
(2) Precedent: similar situations in which the right thing happened.
(3) People in authority who can help you.
(4) People who may not have authority, but have influence. For instance, major donors or board members in a nonprofit setting; parent groups in a grade school setting; customers or suppliers in a retail setting.
(5) Anybody willing to publicly stand up with you. Strength in numbers.
(6) Attention: media, blog posts, etc. (Use with caution. Attention can be bad. Combine with #5 and ideally have someone else be the spokesperson.)
Newsletter friends, I hope you find yourselves in supportive and respectful situations, and I wish you all a happy spring! See you in April.
-Pia
P.S. - do you need negotiation advice, or advice about handling conflict in a business situation? Email me! I’ll answer your question in an upcoming newsletter.
