Negotiation tip: Name what's happening
And what I've been reading lately: Sea of Tranquility, Body Work, and Georgie, All Along
Hello Newsletter Friends! It’s snowing out and I’m wearing my fuzzy slippers.
If you’re here after taking my Negotiation for Writers class with Jane Friedman, welcome! And please feel free to send any questions or negotiation stories you want to share; I love hearing from you.
In this newsletter I have for you:
Negotiation tip(s) of the month: Name what’s happening.
Books read lately: Sea of Tranquility, Body Work, and Georgie, All Along.
Negotiation tip: Name what’s happening
Is something weird and awkward happening during your negotiation? Is the other person yelling at you? Have you reached an impasse? Did you just put your head into your hands and start weeping?
Remain in charge of the situation by factually acknowledging what is happening, and proposing what could get you back on track — often a pause or reset.
By “factually acknowledging,” I mean that you should say what you observe, not any conclusions you’re drawing — for instance, “You’re raising your voice,” not “you’re angry.”
For example:
I think you’re raising your voice and I want to make sure I’m able to respond calmly to what you’re saying. Could we take a five minute break and then come back?
It seems like we’re stuck on this issue, and I’m not sure what else we can try. I suggest we move past this for now and come back to it later.
Pardon my weeping. I need to take a break. I will contact you about restarting this conversation.
I had a negotiation once where halfway through, the other party started crying! Oof. You can read about it on my blog.
Books read lately
Georgie, All Along by Kate Clayborn: a perfect romcom where nobody does anything terrible.
Body Work by Melissa Febos: mind-blowing advice for memoir writers.
Sea of Tranquility by Emily St. John Mandel: The reason I didn’t like this book had little to do with the book itself and more with my expectations. I had read and liked her previous books, so I picked up this one with no idea what the book was about. And then it started out with this Englishman who gets exiled from England with a generous allowance from his rich family. So he comes to America but doesn’t feel like working. He spends his days walking by the sea. He learns how to paint flowers. He buys a loaf of bread, and writes letters to friends. And he does this for six months in a row.
By the end of this opening, I had ben lulled into thinking — hoping, really — that the entire book would just be this guy going about his business and enjoying life with no worries. And I was ready for that. This is all I want, I thought. Just a book about someone who gets up in the morning and relaxes and goes outside and has a good lunch. No tension. No conflict. That is what I need right now. But then some time-travel detective stuff started, and I was already invested in the story of the guy who did nothing. So I was sad about that.
The end
Newsletter friends, I hope your lives and reading contain exactly the amount of tension and conflict that you prefer. See you next month!