Make your preparation matter

Talk to people! As many as you can. Go on an information-gathering mission.

I like to write at the long wooden tables in the old section of the library. Libraries give me hope. Not to mention free books, and calm places to read and write, and a cross-section of our city’s population which makes for great eavesdropping.

Today I pulled up a chair in my favorite spot in the reading room. Next to me, a gentleman with a neat beard looked up from his laptop screen to reach for his tin of mints. It triggered a memory of the LSAT, which I took many years ago in a classic New England room much like this one, brick walls and wood trim, long windows looking out to leafy trees. I stared at the empty blackboard, waiting for the exam to begin. The guy next to me took out his supplies, one by one, and lined them up neatly in front of him. Tissues. Tylenol. Timer. Caffeine pills! Multiple pencils. Pencil sharpener.

With each new item on the desk, I wondered if I was unprepared. I hadn’t thought to bring anything. This guy, on the other hand, clearly knew what he was doing.

The LSAT has four sections. After the first section, the guy packed up his supplies and left, never to return.

Being prepared in an unfamiliar situation is good. But what kind of preparation matters?

During my law firm days, I was coached on presentation: speak in my lowest pitch, hold my posture firm but not rigid, and end each sentence with authority.

All that stuff matters a bit. I wish it didn’t matter at all. The purpose is to get someone to take you seriously. I wish they would take you seriously because you’re a human being and may have something useful to say, not because you have assembled the correct assortment of speech patterns and body positions.

When I coach people for a negotiation, I almost never mention presentation. We spend most of the time talking about two things: What’s really important to you? And what can you reasonably ask for?

I recently coached someone who was exceptionally prepared. We still spent a lot of time talking through what was important to her, because nearly everyone neglects that key element. (I just looked back through my archives so I could link to my advice on this, and realized that I have never actually written about this! Which is a surprise because I frequently talk about it. In a future newsletter, I’ll tell you my four questions for getting clarity on what matters most to you, and why that clarity is, IMO, the single most important ingredient in a negotiation.)

The second question, “what can you reasonably ask for,” can be difficult to answer, particularly in a power imbalance situation where your negotiating partner has far more information and experience than you. In most situations where you as an individual are negotiating with an organization — for example, you’re negotiating a job offer, pitching your work, or asking for contributions to an event — only an organization insider would know what they consider “reasonable.”

In a coaching session, I’ll ask a series of questions to help determine what’s reasonable, and to identify pieces of information you’ll need to learn either before the negotiation (by researching) or during (by asking questions). Here are some of the questions I’ll typically ask:

• Why does the organization want to talk to you? What need of theirs are you fulfilling? What are their key goals? What would they consider to be success or failure in this situation?

• What are the organization’s key constraints? Are there certain things you know they would not be able to consider? What resources do they have and lack? (For instance, maybe they can give you lots of personal attention, but have a very limited budget. Or they have plenty of money, but demand that work gets done immediately and perfectly.)

• Has a similar situation happened before? How often? What was the outcome? How analogous is it to your situation? (For instance, if you’re negotiating a job offer, it would be useful to know how the organization has handled past job offers, particularly for similar positions.)

My exceptionally-prepared coaching client was able to answer all of these, and had several examples to share about people at similar organizations. She did her research by reviewing the organization’s publicly available information, like their website and publications.

But most important, she talked to as many people as she could find. She talked to people inside the organization, informally, to learn about the culture and what was on their minds. She talked to people with similar positions at other organizations and asked about their experiences. She talked to friends who gave her pep talks, and she talked to friends who downloaded all their industry knowledge. She got them to connect her with people she didn’t know, but would like to talk to.

This kind of knowledge is gold. It may feel inaccessible. But if you dig enough, reach out enough (in a polite and considerate way), and dare to ask people for their time and advice — it’s out there. (Also, once you find someone who is willing to talk, you might find that they are delighted to share their experience. Their negotiation consumed so much of their thought and energy, but who would ever want to hear all the little details they spent so much time thinking about? You do. Ask what they wish they had known. And ask if they know anyone else who would be willing to talk to you.)

When you’re preparing for a negotiation, don’t fret too much about sitting or dressing or speaking exactly the right way. But do talk to as many people as you can find, and listen to their stories. Instead of feeling like your negotiation is a big question mark where anything could happen, you’ll have a menu of options for how it might go.

Somebody out there has valuable information for you. Go find it.