How Did Santa Get So Old and Why Is He Immortal and Why Does He Have Santa Magic
Requested and titled by Xavier
Santa was a baby once. Which means he had parents. He didn’t just grow out of the ground or something. He was a normal baby at first, but on his first Christmas Eve he sprouted strange red fur on his skin. His parents worried that he was a werewolf. They took him to a priest to exorcise the evil were-spirits. The priest tried, but nothing bad came out and a few days later the red fur all fell out. So they didn’t worry about it until the same thing happened next year, and this time he grew a little white pom on the top of his head too. On his third Christmas Eve he grew a beard and it didn’t go away.
Little Santa used to store treasures in his beard, rocks from the ground and cookies for later. He always did like cookies. His childhood continued like this and nobody really made fun of him because everybody who lived in his town in Norway was nice. Nobody pointed at him and yelled that he had a beard. They knew it, he knew it, and everyone went on with their lives. The lessons Santa learned in his Norwegian village about accepting and loving everyone would last him a lifetime.
And his lifetime continued. Everybody he knew died but Santa didn’t, and he became known as the Witch of Villeskunk (this was the name of the large mansion he built at the top of a fjord). People used to come to him and ask him to heal their wounds. They had a lot of wounds in those days.
Santa didn’t know why he was chosen to be immortal, but he did his best to live a good life and help people. But then one day his house fell right off the edge of the fjord. A fjord is like a crinkly cliff and why Santa built his mansion right on the edge of it I don’t know. On that day, the whole village came to Santa’s mansion for help with the plague that was making all their right arms fall off. They smelled the cookies Santa was baking in the kitchen, and before he could stop them they all ran into the kitchen, causing an imbalance in the mansion’s weight distribution which resulted in the biggest disaster the Norwegian village had ever seen.
After that Santa knew he could not live among mortals. He kept moving north but people kept pursuing him for his healing powers. Eventually he got all the way to the North Pole. There he got lonely so he learned how to send signals into outer space and when the elves blew up their planet on purpose, which is a different story, they all migrated to the North Pole. Santa didn’t know what to do with them. They convinced him they had been sent to help him make and distribute toys for children once a year on Christmas. But really they were there to figure out how to blow up Earth. But they haven’t figured it out yet so they still do the thing with the toys every year. Also Santa has magic because the original Witch of Villeskunk was his mom and he inherited the fjord-land from her, but after he grew his beard her immortality ended and his began, but she forgot to tell him so nobody ever knew until now. The end.
